Change That Attitude
As I am attempting to prepare a meal for my family out of the corner of my eye I see my 6 year old son trying to sneak some candy. I ask him what he is doing and he replies “Don’t even worry about it Mom” and runs into the living room with a candy bar hidden behind his back. I tell him to please put the candy bar back because dinner is almost ready and he yells, “No, you‘re not my boss” as he eats the candy as fast as he can before I can steal it away. I tell him go to his bedroom and not to come out until he is told. I have to tell him multiple times until I have to raise my voice so loudly that he finally listens to me. It makes me so frustrated that I have to get that angry for my son to listen to what I ask of him. This seems to be an ongoing battle between my son and I. So over the past few weeks I have been experimenting with some different parenting techniques to see how I can change that bad attitude and behavior.The first technique I tried was timeout. I had my father-in-law make a wooden bench with the words TIMEOUT written across it and then sat it in the hallway of our home. When my son would backtalk or misbehave I would sit him on the bench for six minutes and tell him why he was going to timeout. As long as he sat for the six minutes quietly he was allowed to get up, but if not then he had to sit there until he did. At the end of each timeout he had to apologize nicely and was given a hug. After a few visits to the bench he realized it was easier to sit quietly than it was to put up a fight. I felt this technique worked well as long as I was consistent.
Next, I tried taking things away or grounding my son from the things he enjoyed. I would take away video games or his favorite toys when he would get mouthy or do something he shouldn’t. I would also do things such as, not allowing him to stay overnight at his grandma or grandpas house or not let him have a toy on our next shopping trip. This technique seemed not to work as well because I would lose track of what all I had taken away and for how long because he would continue to misbehave. This may work on an older child but I don’t feel it was effective at this time with my son.
The last thing I tried was a reward chart. Together we made a chart out of construction paper and listed all the things he was expected to do each day, especially the ones that seemed to be the hardest for him to complete. We put things on the chart such as, being nice, no lying, brushing his teeth, being helpful, etc. Each day we would go through the list before bed and he would get a sticker on each thing he did that day. Then, after he received so many stickers he would get a special prize, which he gets to choose such as, going to Chuck E. Cheese, buying a new toy or something else he would enjoy. I felt this worked best for my son. I think that he responded better to being rewarded for the good behavior, which made him want to keep being good.
In the end, I realized I need to be firm and clear about what I expect from my child. Consistency and follow through is also important. I also feel that rewarding him for the good things he does instead of always punishing him for the bad behavior helps him to understand that it much better to be a good, kind person.
Submitted By: Melissa K
Melissa,
ReplyDeleteI like the story you shared with us, as a mother of two it is very hard to punish your children and when you do you feel so bad. I know I do. But in the end no matter what I tell my child she does her own thing anyways, my youngest is to little to understand yet. Thanks for sharing.
Ali
Although my daughter is to young to understand disipline I will use some of your tips when she is older.
ReplyDeleteAli,
ReplyDeleteI feel so bad when punishing my son as well. I always have a hard time following through with the punishment.I think thats why the reward chart worked so well because I feel better rewarding him and he also responds better.
Melissa
Meghan,
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I could give you some useful information.
Melissa
Melissa, thanks for this honest post. I can sense your frustration with punishing your child. I was curious why you chose to try different methods when the timeout seemed to work well. Do you only use the chart now? Or do you use a combination of these methods? Just curious. Great perspective.
ReplyDeleteProfessor Girardi, I tried other methods because there would be times I didn't follow through because I felt bad punishing him so that is the main reason I did the reward chart. I wanted him to realize he would be rewarded for behaving and not just punished when he misbehaved. I do use a combination of both methods but use the chart more frequently. Melissa
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your post. I am trying the time out with my daughter and it seems to going ok so far. My husband and I have different views on discipline and I have found it to be harder to be consistant than anything.
ReplyDeleteChristina C
Melissa,
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I have some of the same problems with my daughter and have tried similar techniques, but I am going to try the good behaivor sticker sheet. Hope everything works out!
Alisha O.
Christina and Alisha O,
ReplyDeleteBeing consistant is so important but its so difficult. I agree I have the same problem.
Good luck with all your parenting I hear it only gets harder as the kids get older.
Melissa K
Melissa,
ReplyDeleteThe reward/stickewo great. My sister, has triplets, used this and it worked well for her, even with potty training. Good luck and good job on this post.
Samantha Cribbs