Terrible Two's or Terrible Toddlers?

Before I became a mom no one ever warned me that the terrible two’s went all the way through toddler hood. Just last week I took my 3 year old daughter and 1 year old son shopping for my sister’s baby shower. As I tried to pick through the adorable little Carter’s outfits, my children ran wildly through Bon-Ton destroying everything in their paths. I flashbacked to 3 years and 7 months before, an incident that I can recall like it was yesterday…I was standing in Wal-mart, my hand on my pregnant belly. I was watching a mother try to calm her screaming son, bribing him with toys and trying to negotiate with him to behave. I thought to myself “tell him to knock it off, you’re the parent…my baby will never act like that.”  Boy was I wrong!!! As I tried to check out with a few purchases, my son was in one arm flinging himself violently while my daughter was on the floor bawling about a toy that she wanted that I said she couldn’t have.  I checked out as quickly as possible and had to literally drag both kids out of the store kicking and screaming. Nerves frazzled and frustrated we went home and didn’t finish our errands, the day was a blotch.

This was not the first incident, nor will it be the last. After my very embarrassing trip that day I began looking to see what other moms do in that situation and I found some helpful tips. I went to www.parenting.com, a magazine that I subscribe to, and found that I’m not alone. Most, if not all, parents have gone through this and have shared what they do to keep their hellasious heathens in check while in public.

Suzanne Schlosberg of parenting.com stated “The truth is, toddlers and preschoolers are supposed to be rebellious. Saying no, testing limits, and tearing through the house like Tasmanian devils is their job. It’s part of how they learn about themselves and their place in the world. The good news: Most of their naughty behavior is stuff they’ll outgrow. While your discipline efforts now may seem in vain, you’re teaching your child important lessons for the future.”

Noel Janis-Norton, the director of the Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting Program states that “A child is extremely impulsive, and wants what he wants.” When a child misbehaves and won’t take a time out, or has too many time outs in a day they can become desensitized to them, and will no longer be effective. “He may just need a break-let him look at books or play with a toy in his room until he’s calmed down enough for you to at least talk to him”.

I compiled the advice and narrowed it down to this:

• Plot your course, wherever you may be going know what you need, get in and get out.

• Give your child a special treat, like a snack, that they only get when you go to the store. When they get this “treat” they like to go there because they get something too.

• Discuss ahead of time that getting out of the cart is not allowed, and if going to a toy store let the child know that they are not getting anything or they may get one thing if they behave.

• Make a game to play. “I spy”, “Raise your hand if…”, or give the child a magazine and tell them to look for something specific (like the Waldo books).

• The Radio Flyer wagon is a good investment, they may be big and a little hard to maneuver but the kids can play and see everything around them, rather than being cooped up in a stroller.

• Leave the house when the child is tired and ready for a nap. When you get to your destination leave the child sleeping and transfer them into a reclining stroller.

• If your destination has a play area, let the child play for a bit and burn off some energy. Then put them in the stroller with a snack and juice box so they have some chill time.

• Sometimes when your child is acting out it is easier to just take a deep breath, prepare yourself for the ugly glares that are bound to be shot your way, and let the child throw the tantrum. Then when you have left or the child is calmed down, very calmly explain that their behavior was unacceptable and in the end they still did not get what they wanted.

For more tips, advice, and stories from other parents go to www.parenting.com

In my next blog, which will be posted on March 25, I will have another interview with child psychiatrist John Dittmar to find out his take on tantrums and acceptable punishments.

Alisha O.