OUTDATED VERSUS UPBEAT DATING

By Tina

I thought it may be interesting to compare dating norms of today’s teenagers to the norms of when I was a teenager. Whenever I think back to the time that I began to date, about 16 years old, I remember waiting by the phone for a boy to call and ask me to a school dance or football game. If my parents permitted the date, the date had to come to my house to pick me up. In doing that, he also had to meet my parents and answer the questions, “Where are you going?” and “Who will be going with you?” and my father would always throw in that line about curfew being 10 PM. Now, as I am faced with a teenager of my own, I realize how teen dating is different. The entire concept of dating has changed. The “old-fashioned” way of dating is totally outdated.


He wants to go out!

Teens of today make dates using cell phones. Chances are you will not hear the phone ring or have a chance to talk to your teen’s friends. My friend Chris, a mother of two teens, said she remembered when a boy came to pick up her 15 year old daughter and called from the driveway. Chris said, “He pulled in and got on his cell phone to call my daughter. I guess he expected her to go right out to his car.” She added, “I told my daughter to tell him that he needs to come in the house so we can meet him.”

Teens are also using internet sites such as myspace.com and facebook.com to make dates and trade pictures and messages. Parents can and should require their teens to have private settings on such sites and parents should be a part of deciding who has access and who does not.

It seems as though there is more concern than ever as our children are faced with peer pressure and electronic devices that give them access to the entire world. Teens congregate in groups and most teens have a circle of close friends. Those close friends can cause the most peer pressure. If some of the kids from the circle are doing something questionable, the few who feel it is wrong may have trouble speaking up. This is an example of why it is so important to keep the lines of communication open with your teenager. Ask your teen to think about what they would do when not in a group. Ask questions like, “If nobody is drinking a beer, would you?” “If nobody your age was having sex, would you?”

                                                               
Another thing to consider is that teens hang out with friends right after school. Many families of today have both parents working and not getting home until after 5 PM. Teens take advantage of the fact that they have about 2 hours of unsupervised time to themselves. Researchers at the RAND Corporation have found that teens are more likely to experiment with things such as drugs, alcohol, and sex, when there is less after school supervision. So if your teen is home when you are not, show up unexpectedly on occasion.

Finally, as parents we all want our teens to grow up happy, so remember that happiness in life is found in the journey. While the topic of teenagers and dating can make the most confident parent nervous, you should do your best not to project those anxious feelings when discussing dating and the rules and limits of dating. Try to relax and have informative conversations about dating that will strengthen your relationship and make your teen feel confident when considering going out on a date.

Source:
http://www.rand.org/topics/children-and-families.html