Dinner More than Food

The statistics are clear: Kids who dine with the folks are healthier, happier and better students, which is why a dying tradition is coming back. MICHAEL ELINS FOR TIME

Blog 4

By Meghan Scaringi


Even when I was a child having dinner as a family was not the normal thing. My brothers and I had different after school schedules – swimming, dance and music lessons. Sundays were different. On Sundays we had dinner at my Grandmother’s house. Anything we planned on Sunday had to happen before or after dinner. Everyone attend. No excuses. There were times when it seemed like this was terrible, but looking back I see that this was a very special and valuable time – the type of experience I would like my daughter to have.

My daughter is at the stage where she insists on feeding herself. Sometimes this is messing and time consuming. Eating chickpeas with a spoon can take a while. The extra mess makes me wish I could wrap the kitchen in plastic wrap before she eats. She is determined to use her own fork and spoon, and I need to let her try until she learns. Sitting at the table as a family seems to be the place to begin. My daughter wants to do what she sees, and I would like her to have a good example.

Recently, I heard a NPR broadcast of the California Club interview with Laurie David, one of the authors of The Family Dinner:  A Great Way to Connect with  your Kids One Meal at a Time by Laurie David with recipes by Kirstin Uhrenholdt. Basically, this is a cookbook of 75 recipes, conversation starters, tips on teaching green values, and games to play at the table. This seemed like an idea I would like to try, especially where there seems to be so much to gain.

Table manners are not the only thing that can be learned by taking part in family dinner.

• Language Arts –expand vocabulary, storytelling, conversation, listening

• Interpersonal Skills – consideration, respect for others tastes and opinions, cooperation, express thoughts and feelings

• Healthy Eating – balanced meals, portion control, new foods, cooking

• Green Values – use of food, elimination of waste, recycling.

Besides all of this family dinner can build self-esteem, be relaxing and fun!

The list can go on and on. The dinner table is the center for the teaching and practicing not just of table manners but of conversation, consideration, tolerance, family feeling and just about all the other accomplishments of polite society except the minuet. Judith Martin (Miss Manners) writer and etiquette authority

Family dinner with everyone seated at a beautifully set table, eating nutritious food, using proper table manners, while enjoying wonderful conversation sounds very much like a fairy tale from an enchanted life! Still, the advantages are there, and some families are doing it today. There are strategies, as suggested in Laurie David’s book, to create the family dinner that may not happen naturally.

1. Everyone must be present. No excuses. Everyone in the family eats together.

2. No electronic devices. The means television, cellphone, games for children and adults.

3. Involve the children in the preparations. If the children help cook, they are more likely to taste a food. Select simple recipes since adults are role models they should also try to eat verities of food. This is also a chance to use good portion control. With the rise of childhood obesity this is something to consider.

4. Set a pleasant and fun table. China and silver may be unrealistic, but setting the table with proper knife, fork and spoon is a good place to start. A decoration can make it more festive.

5. Don’t make this a time to teach manners. This can only become an unpleasant ordeal. Make some positive suggestions, and let the skills develop over time.

6. Create a positive atmosphere with music. No lyrics, just music as background. This can be an opportunity to sample the taste of other family members.

7. Planning conversation starters until things are more natural is a good idea. Don’t put anyone on the spot!    This should not turn into an inquisition. Share positive accomplishments and achievements.

8. Go green, clean-up

9. Fun Games

Family dinner is a way to de-stress and –if managed correctly- a time to have fun. By that I mean don’t use it as a period of  iinquisition or a recounting of shortcomings. Keep it light, keep it fun, and make it the highlight of the day. Peggy Drexler, PhD, assistant professor of psychology Weill Cornell Medical College.

Family’s that are interested in trying to reinvent the family dinner are able to find ideas and suggestions from the Family Dinner Project.

This sites offers many resources for getting started – checklists, recipes, conversation starters. It is possible to start very simply and build into something special. There is so much to gain from a family dinner; that any effort is worth it.